A few weeks ago we looked at the signs that can tell you if it is a good idea to get back with an ex.
Sometimes, love and the people in it are stronger than the problems at hand.
While many would advise against the decision, experts say it can be done if both parties are willing the put in the time and effort.
Anyone who has left a relationship knows that navigating life with an ex can be extremely difficult. Emotional and physical lines get crossed. It’s very easy to see a future with them because they are familiar.
It’s comforting and when grieving a past relationship, the urge to slip back under the covers of recognition is strong.
However, very often, it is simply not a good move to rekindle romance with an ex love.
There are reasons it didn’t work in the first instance, and these issues are usually difficult to resolve.
Yet, if you do find yourself at a crossroads with an ex, it can be extremely hard to recognise the negative elements.
So, what are the signs to watch out for that scream not to try again with a former lover?
Resistance to change
Psychotherapist Noel McDermott tells Metro.co.uk that looking at the catalyst of the relationship breakdown can tell you a lot.
Simply put, if the problems have not been resolved, the relationship will never work.
‘The first thing to look at is why the relationship broke up in the first place and have those issues been resolved,’ he says. ‘Ask yourself if you and/or your ex have changed negative behaviours and made the psychology changes that are needed?
‘If not, then you don’t get back together.’
No love or physical attraction
Noel also notes the importance of present day emotional and sexual attraction.
‘If you have made the changes, ask do you still love each other? Often, we change, and the emotional chemistry is no longer there,’ he says.
‘In addition, you need to ask yourself if you are still attracted to each other. If not don’t start a relationship up again.
‘Start fresh, but one of the reasons people resist changing partners is because of fear of the unknown.’
Serious lingering issues
Noel also urges people to think hard about their own wellbeing, especially if your ex has serious issues that need to be addressed.
‘If there are active addiction issues, anger problems or serious long term mental health problems, it’s not going to work if the relationship did not survive the first time,’ he explains.
‘You’ll get damaged if you’re on the receiving end of this stuff. If your partner is unavailable emotionally don’t go back to them, it will stunt your personal growth.’
What is a healthy relationship?
Finally, Noel says the key to a successful relationship is equality and respect. If you don’t have these key pillars, it will never work.
‘Relationships are between equal adults who make grown up decisions about the roles adopted in the partnership,’ he explains.
‘A healthy relationship is between adults who value each other as whole people and are not looking for someone to complete them, problems are shared and not blamed on a scapegoat.
‘Successful couples keep an eye on the bigger picture. They remember always that more than anything else, this is a love relationship.
‘That needs to be the basis of any emotional exchanges.’
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