A decade sounds like a long time, especially to Youtuber Alfie Deyes who says it feels “wild” that he and his partner Zoe Sugg have hit the 10-year milestone in their relationship. During that time, the duo have recorded almost every step of their partnership online in front of a camera for their Youtube vlogs. Yet, despite the pressures of being online, the couple has managed to enjoy a “happy and healthy” relationship and welcomed their first child in September last year.
The couple sat down in front of a vlogging camera for Alfie’s vlog channel to share “three things” they think have contributed to the success of their relationship, though both Alfie and Zoe note “we are not relationship experts”.
“So recently Zoe and I celebrated 10 years together, which on one hand feels like I’ve literally blinked, but then, on the other hand, I can’t picture my life at all without Zoe, so it kind of also feels like we’ve been together an incredibly long period of time,” said Alfie.
“I’ve been thinking about what are a couple of things, and I’ve whittled it down to three, that have particularly meant that Zoe and I, during the 10 years that we have been together, have been as happy as we are, as on the same page as we are with each other, enjoyed the 10 years as much as we have together, wanted to and have started a family.
“All of those things have added up the puzzle to having a happy and healthy relationship.”
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Think as a team and have important conversations
The couple were in agreement that one of the key pillars of their relationship has been their ability to think “as a unit”.
Alfie explained: “The quicker that the two of you can think as one unit and what you collectively want together and what you both want together long term, you both have the same plans, the same goals the same aspirations, the same dreams together, then the little things that pop up day-to-day or week-to-week or are so much easier to figure out because you are both aware that long-term you are on the same page.”
The 29-year-old believes that this teamwork mentality has helped him and Zoe form a stronger “bond” over the years. This also means having conversations you might not necessarily want to have, but ones which are important to your growth together.
“I think it’s easy to both grow apart and then kind of wonder why you’re still together without having those conversations and coming back together,” explained Zoe. “It just becomes your new normal I suppose.”
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The couple said this includes discussing whether you want to have children, where you might want to live in the future, money, work-life balance, travel plans, family and jobs.
“Keep having these conversations, big conversations, even if it’s just that you keep bickering about something really tiny. That’s just going to keep carrying on it’s gonna grate on each other. Make sure you’re constantly having those conversations,” said Zoe.
“It’s not always a nice conversation to have and you both have to be equally in a balanced mood to have those conversations.
“If one of you is feeling more emotional, one of is feeling slightly angry, emotional, one person is getting slightly angry, one of you has had a really busy day, one of you is hungry, one of you is tired, it’s not going to be a very constructive conversation.
“Make sure you’re both in a good mood. Maybe even have [the chat] when you’re both having a really lovely day.”
Lead your own individual lives, as well as one together
As well as thinking as a team, the duo also emphasises how important it is to lead individual lives too.
“I think it’s really important that both of you have hobbies and friends in your own little circle,” said Zoe.
Alfie added that he believes finding “enjoyment in things you do without the other” is “crucial”. This could mean going for coffee or dinner with your own group of friends or even finding a hobby to do alone.
“Have your own friendships, have your own hobbies, get happiness, entertainment, excitement, all of those things, not just from your partner but elsewhere as well,” said Alfie.
Make an effort
The two Youtubers lead busy lives running their own separate businesses, as well as looking after their daughter. For Zoe, this includes founding the Zoella website and brand, while Alfie heads up the fashion brand Future Self. However, they say they still “make the effort” to have “fun” together. As Zoe points out, sometimes this can mean doing things you don’t necessarily feel like doing at the time.
“I would say just have fun, don’t take life too seriously, just enjoy each other’s company and make effort,” said Zoe.
“Sometimes I don’t want to do stuff but I’ll do it because I know [Alfie] wants to do it.”
In some cases, this means day trips out of the house together or as a family, but the couple also said can be something as simple as popping out to the shop to buy a tin of baked beans that the other one wants.